About a week ago someone told me that I was a social pessimist... meaning that I think the worst in social situations and assume people are thinking the worst of me. Ouch! I have to admit that it hurt my feelings. Why? Not only am I a sensitive person, but the "guilty taketh the truth to be hard"- it's the truth. I've been thinking about it all week.
Just to illustrate, here are some examples of my pessimism: I don't want to speak up in social situations because I think everyone will think I'm stupid or wrong. I don't want to call the people I visit teach because I'm sure they don't want me to visit and I'm a boring person to be around. I think that I always have the calling to play the piano because no one wants me for anything else. I hesitate writing my blog because I'm afraid of what others will think about it. When I see someone I haven't seen for years I'm sure they are thinking how much fatter I am. I even contemplate dying my hair just because I know people will think I'm nutso letting my gray hairs show through- even though for now it really doesn't bother me.... so and and so on... You get the point.
(A little disclaimer though: I don't always think like this.) Luckily my logical brain tells me two things when I am feeling like this: 1- Most people probably aren't always thinking negativly about me... and 2- Who cares if they do?! I wish I could let my logical brain overcome my feelings.
Anyway, I'm convinced that I can overcome this weakness... eventually. Here's my plan (I'm trying not to care if you think this is stupid) :
1- Pray for help
2- Focus outward rather than inward- (I think this is a big reason I didn't have this weakness as much in the mission- that and God's help.)
3- Focus on the task at hand (My dad says I should focus on what I'm doing and the importance of it instead of what others are thinking about me)
4- Just do it! (even if I don't feel like it)
5- Remember that I'm a child of God and have great potential- as does everyone else.
So how have I seen the hand of God in my life? I think God inspired this person to sting me with some constructive critisism. If He didn't, then I'm sure He's happy about it anyway because of my resolve to do better.
:) you are so good Holly, I can't believe you ever think that way anyway...with no reason to at all...
ReplyDeleteHolly, if it makes you feel any better, I never think of you that way. I think you are a wonderful, kind, sensitive person. I just figured you were kind of shy. The other thing is that most of us feel those comparisons one to another. For me, as I have developed more of a determination to follow God, I have had more self assurance and a calm assurance in my actions. They are not always great, and sometimes I do really dumb stuff, but that is part of being human and part of overcoming and growing.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys. I don't always feel like this... I really do like myself:) I'm just determined to quit worrying about what others think.
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