Tuesday, September 30, 2014


Ok- I know it's been months.  I could write about lots of things, but going to stick with this one for today.

As many of you know, we are trying to sell our house.  We found a big beautiful lot here in Santaquin that I really want, so we are taking the plunge after much thought and prayer- building a new house and selling the old.  Now I've got to tell ya, I honestly thought we'd put our house up for sale and sell it right away.  After all, I love this house.  I love the area, my yard that we've put lots of work into, and our great play place in the basement.  Who wouldn't like it? Why wouldn't it sell fast? (Not saying there isn't room for improvement here, but we love our house)

Ok- so I was humbled.  We put our house up for sale, and.... nothing, nada, no one called- except realtors wanting to sell our house, and people wanting to rent.  No action, so I put forth more effort into it, putting it on MSL, advertising on all the house sites, facebook, and even planning 2 group open houses with 12-14 other homes for sale in Santaquin.  And, just recently, listing with a realtor who promised results- ha. (Oh, and of course lots of prayers.)

After months of effort and no results it gets a little frustrating.  It's been hard for me to be positive, even though I know deep down that things will work out.  When I see people put their homes up for sale and they sell in a week, I think, "What the...? What's wrong with us?  What am I doing wrong?  Why don't my prayers get answered?".  I've gotten this dejavu of the feelings I had on my mission.  While the mission was the best thing I ever did, I had 18 months of rejection- tons of rejection, I can't even tell you how much rejection.  I remember praying and praying there in beautiful northern Spain wondering what was wrong with me.  Do I not have enough faith?  Am I a bad missionary?  Is this rejection personal? (I tried to tell myself over and over that it wasn't personal).  Imagine me standing here with my fingers making an L on my forehead.

Yesterday was one of those discouraging days.  I had a hard time shaking my sad feelings from rejection- feelings of self doubt, nobody likes me, pity potty...  So, after my prayers last night, I laid in bed thinking about the many times of rejection in my life; rejection in high school, rejection when looking for jobs, rejection from principals in my college and teaching years, huge rejection on the mission, rejection in selling the house... (like I said, pity potty- I really know I have a wonderful life).  But, as I was laying there depressed, a thought that didn't come from me came in to my mind: "Jesus Christ was rejected by his own".

What a blessing and a tender mercy that gave me peace.  Christ who is perfect, wonderful, the best, most charitable person who ever lived, got rejected, so much rejection that he was crucified.  He knows how I feel, how everyone feels and has experienced much more pain than us all.  So, although I already knew this, I was reminded that rejection doesn't mean you are in the wrong or that something is wrong with you.  Rejection means people are exercising their God given free will.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Missing Mom and Dad

Once again, I've slacked on the blog. This is something I've been meaning to post for a long time.  As most of the few of you that read this know, my parents went on a mission to Chile in September.  When they called with the news where they were going, I tried to sound excited for them.  After I hung up, I just broke down and cried and cried.  Tavish, who doesn't know what to do with a crying wife, quickly ran over to the computer and said, "Its ok, we can visit them!  It's only a 14 hr plane ride and... $1300 per ticket!"  Yeah- not comforting.   I really should be happy about this, and I am happy that they are serving the Lord and having this experience.  But, oh how I miss them.  My brothers and sisters do too.  When people ask me about them and how wonderful it is they are on a mission, I just want to cry, "Waaa!  This is wonderful, but not for me!  I want them here!  I need them!  Waaaaa!"  Hey, I'm just telling you how I really feel here.  So, I may be a wimp, but it's been hard.  Christmas time was especially hard.  We spent a lot of time with Tavish's family, who I love, but just had this aching to be with my family too.  When my sisters in law weren't there because they were with their family, I just wished I could do that too.  I thought, "How lucky you are to go home and see your mom."

Anyway, I'm not going to go on sitting on the pity potty any more here, because I know this is really a blessing, so here it is:

1- I have become more aware and sympathetic of my family and friends that have lost a parent.  I realized at Christmas, that while I have enjoyed being with my family every year, they probably have this aching to be with their parents, and I haven't even thought about it.  I'm a jerk.  And not just Christmas, but birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, and just random times.
2- My children have super great examples of their Grandparents who love the Lord.  They sacrificed being with their most favorite and loved people (the grandkids of course) to share the gospel.  How important it must be to them.
3- My parents are being strengthened- spiritually, emotionally, socially, even physically.  I know I always thought that they were pretty much some of the strongest people I know, but I guess there's always room to grow, no matter how strong or old you are.
4- My parents are helping others, but they've always done that.
5- I feel closer to my brothers and sisters; we all understand how it is to be without them and want to be there for each other.
6- I appreciate and love Mom and Dad even more.

So, Mom and Dad- you are my blessing of the day and always.  Thank you for being such great examples to us.